I haven’t been around for ages. I’ve been going through lots of (mostly good but still very) emotionally exhausting stuff in my life. I want to get back to my writing, update the blog, finish my next book and generally get off my bottom and back into action.
But I don’t know which way way to go.
I originally started writing as Charlotte because I wanted an outlet for the part of me that isn’t allowed to show in my life. I thought that if I had an online presence under a pseudonym I could let the uncensored me show through. I love my real life, I really do. My family, friends and the people I interact with on a daily basis are mostly fun and interesting. But there’s a part of me that really misses being in my 20s when I could say and do whatever I wanted and no one would be shocked. On the contrary they’d think it was cute and sexy. Sometimes I desperately want to take a vacation back to that time in my life. I don’t want to change anything about my life now; I just want to relive those times occasionally.
The problem has been that I find I don’t fit in with the erotica authors groups either. I can’t think up witty Tweets, I don’t have any political rants to post on Facebook and I don’t want to talk about my family or personal life in deep, interesting detail here on my blog. I can’t be the uncensored me that I’m longing to be because I’m too emotional and far too affected by what people say or do. I try to be or say what I think people will like instead of acting naturally. I wanted to let Charlotte be the me who is permanently in her 20s but it’s not working.
People often ask what I do for a living and sometimes I tell them about Charlotte but mostly I don’t. I’d really like to feel comfortable telling everyone, especially if I can finally get my next book finished and start the following one. There are many very impressive erotica authors and extremely well-written erotica books out there and it’s not a genre to be embarrassed about writing in. But I need to make changes to this website and blog. I need to take Charlotte in a different direction. I’ve only a vague idea at the moment of which direction that will be, but I think it’s time to start the journey and just see where it leads!