Mar 082014
 

iStock_000010630756XSmallI haven’t been around for ages. I’ve been going through lots of (mostly good but still very) emotionally exhausting stuff in my life. I want to get back to my writing, update the blog, finish my next book and generally get off my bottom and back into action.

But I don’t know which way way to go.

I originally started writing as Charlotte because I wanted an outlet for the part of me that isn’t allowed to show in my life. I thought that if I had an online presence under a pseudonym I could let the uncensored me show through. I love my real life, I really do. My family, friends and the people I interact with on a daily basis are mostly fun and interesting. But there’s a part of me that really misses being in my 20s when I could say and do whatever I wanted and no one would be shocked. On the contrary they’d think it was cute and sexy. Sometimes I desperately want to take a vacation back to that time in my life. I don’t want to change anything about my life now; I just want to relive those times occasionally.

The problem has been that I find I don’t fit in with the erotica authors groups either. I can’t think up witty Tweets, I don’t have any political rants to post on Facebook and I don’t want to talk about my family or personal life in deep, interesting detail here on my blog. I can’t be the uncensored me that I’m longing to be because I’m too emotional and far too affected by what people say or do. I try to be or say what I think people will like instead of acting naturally. I wanted to let Charlotte be the me who is permanently in her 20s but it’s not working.

People often ask what I do for a living and sometimes I tell them about Charlotte but mostly I don’t. I’d really like to feel comfortable telling everyone, especially if I can finally get my next book finished and start the following one. There are many very impressive erotica authors and extremely well-written erotica books out there and it’s not a genre to be embarrassed about writing in. But I need to make changes to this website and blog. I need to take Charlotte in a different direction. I’ve only a vague idea at the moment of which direction that will be, but I think it’s time to start the journey and just see where it leads!

Jun 202012
 

Wow… I haven’t written a post since February. That’s atrocious.

But I have a really good excuse. Well, two really good excuses, in fact.

Firstly, I’ve been working on my next book. It’s taking me a lot longer than I had hoped because I keep changing directions. But I can’t help that – I keep getting new ideas. I’ll be writing for a few days and then things will start to go off track but I’ll like the new way they are going even more than what I had originally planned. So I go back and rewrite the previous chapters to work with the new idea.

And secondly, I hurt my back. Really badly. I was stepping into the shower and I lost my balance just a little bit, not enough to hurt at the time, but I must have thrown my back out because a few hours later I was screaming in agony. Luckily the pain subsided when I laid down, but as soon as I tried to sit or stand I was howling so I knew something was really wrong. I obviously couldn’t drive so I had to call an ambulance.

It was very dramatic and extremely painful. The ambulance staff tried several times to help me walk because they couldn’t get the gurney up to my bed, but every time I moved from lying down the muscles in my lower back went into spasm and I was in the most pain I’ve ever known. So in the end they brought in a stretcher to carry me to the ambulance.

Lots of drugs and a few hours later I was much more comfortable and the next day, able to leave the hospital, albeit walking very slowly and bunched over. A visit to a neurologist confirmed that I had a herniated disk and would need physical therapy which I was very happy to do. I do not ever want to throw my back out like that again.

And this is where the juicy part of my excuse begins. The following account, just like my post on the EAA Conference in Las Vegas, really did happen exactly as I describe it below. Every word. Mostly.

I made an appointment at a nearby center for back pain and sports injuries. They gave me an evaluation and I was told that I would have several sessions with a massage therapist and then I’d also start working with a physical therapist who would guide me through exercises to strengthen my back. It sounded like an excellent plan and so I arrived the next day for my first massage therapy session. I was really looking forward to it because, not only would it make my poor hurting back hurt less, but I’d always wanted a professional massage and never been able to justify the cost.

I stood (sitting was still too painful) in the waiting room, trying not to stare at the other patients. Hearing my name, I looked around and saw a young, very fit – very, very fit – man smiling at me. I smiled back, and probably blushed too. (I blush far too easily, but I can’t help it; I’m always thinking naughty thoughts.) I followed the very nice looking man, who introduced himself as Alexander, through to a small room. He closed the door and asked me to lie down on my tummy on the narrow, padded massage table. I did so. And blushed again.

I’d just presumed my massage therapist would be a woman. But here I was, alone in a small room with Alexander, a very good looking man who obviously used every lunch break to work out on the center’s exercise equipment. His smile was kind and gentle and his face seemed too cute to be on such a manly body. A manly body that was about to touch my womanly body. I hoped his sense of smell wasn’t too acute or he’d know that I was really, really looking forward to this therapy session. Although the blushing had probably already given the game away and he must have been used to ladies swooning on the table. He really was delicious. Continue reading »

Feb 112012
 

I bite my lip. It feels good.

Little nibbles. Soft nibbles. Just every now and then. When I’m nervous; when I’m concentrating; when I’m bored.

No harm, right? No real damage. It’ll heal.

It’s natural. Other people do it. I’ve seen them.

It just feels so nice. So comforting. Sort of like a socially acceptable thumb sucking.

I should probably stop. It can’t be good for me. Can’t be good for the skin.

But it feels so nice. So good.

So I keep biting.

Until it hurts. Until it bleeds.

Sharp pain. Dull throbbing.

So good. So relaxing. So comforting.

I can’t stop.

It hurts so much now. I must stop; must let it heal. If I stop biting now, it’ll heal more quickly. The damage isn’t too deep yet.

But now it hurts when I stop. A throbbing pain that only goes away when I bite down. So I do. Just lightly. Just enough to stop it hurting.

Then harder.

It hurts so much and feels so good.

I can’t stop. It feels too good.

I’m never going to be able to stop.

I try wearing lip gloss. I try chewing gum. But it doesn’t help. It’s there, always there. How can I resist a temptation that is always right there? So innocently, so conveniently, always just there?

Sleep. The only way I can resist is to be asleep.

The next morning my lip is swollen and painful.

I’m good all day. I resist.

The swelling has gone down by the evening. I’m exhausted after a long day. I sit at my computer. Alone at last. Free time at last.

Just one bite?

Just one, tiny, nibble.

Just one, okay? I promise it’ll just be one. Continue reading »

Feb 062012
 

I used to be sure of what I like. I used to be sure of who I am. I have always been attracted to strong, powerful, masterful, dominant men. That makes me submissive, right? Therefore, I must be a sub.

But I am bossy. I like to be the one who organizes things, to have power, to be in control. I like to play games and to tease. Not very subby!

According to Wikipedia, “Dominance and submission (also called D&s, Ds, and D/s) is a set of behaviors, customs and rituals involving the giving by one individual to another individual of control over them in an erotic episode or as a lifestyle.” That definition sounds pretty accurate to me, but it doesn’t seem to describe who I am, how I feel and what I do. I don’t give up the control; I want it to be taken.  After all, how can I know that he’s really dominant, masterful and strong – rather than a wannabe – if I just give him permission to dominate me?

Perhaps there’s a different name for that. Is there a word for a girl who is dominant, but doesn’t want to dominate? A girl who is dominant, but is excited by men who are far more dominant than she is?

When I was in my late teens I knew a Goth couple. The guy was incredibly sexy and always wore black leather something. The girl was delicious in her long, flowing skirts and amazing jewelry. One day they showed me some photos they’d had taken in various sexy poses. I can still remember one of those photos today. She was handcuffed, at his knees, gazing up at him while he looked sternly down at her, a black leather whip in his hands. Continue reading »

Oct 032011
 

My room at the Flamingo Hotel, Las Vegas

A couple of weeks ago, I flew out to Las Vegas for the Erotic Authors Association inaugural conference. It was inspirational and a little intimidating to be there among such well known and successful authors and publishers. I met some fascinating people and learned a great deal.

The two days of classes, panels, readings and activities were extremely well organized and included enticing topics such as Directed Erotic Visualization; Using Your Sex Life as Story Fodder; Sexy, Sexy Grammar and Hands on Kink. The difficulty was having to choose between the various panels, classes and workshops as I really wanted to do them all.

Many members who attended have written excellent articles and blog posts about the conference (partial list here). I will focus on what happened during just two of the classes I attended. And then what happened in my hotel room.

The following is all completely true.

Some of it.

My favorite workshops were Hands on Kink and Directed Erotic Visualization. What happened as a result of these workshops has stayed with me, and you’ll see why.

The Directed Erotic Visualization was fascinating. Essemoh Teepee explained to us that it is possible to be so relaxed, so comfortable, so in tune with our body and how it feels, that we are able to experience an orgasm – an extremely strong orgasm – while listening to his voice as he guides us through a story. I was rather skeptical. Actually, I was very skeptical. I can get excited and turned on very easily with the right stimuli, but I very much doubted that I could really climax just by thinking about it.

But I was curious, so I participated fully as he led us through a few simple relaxation techniques. My eyes were closed, my head was bowed, and I listened to his voice as he asked us all to think back to an exceptionally strong and incredibly wonderful sexual memory. An orgasm that was so good, so delicious, we will never forget it.

I could easily see the man in my memory. I smiled to myself as I began to feel very warm and pleasant inside. Essemoh’s voice continued and I began to remember more and more clearly how I had felt with this man, how his body looked, smelled and tasted; how he made me feel. Essemoh explained that he would count down to one and when he got there, we would orgasm.

“So, did you come?” Continue reading »

Jun 162011
 

Photo by www.nakedeyephotography.com

Chloe Camilla is a fascinating woman. If you are a fan of Kink.com you will no doubt have seen her there but, unless you have also been to her website, you probably won’t know that porn is only a small part of what she does. Chloe is cute, multi-talented and has an extremely interesting career and I am so excited that she has accepted to be interviewed for ForceFantasy.com!

~ ~ ~

Charlotte Gatto: You describe yourself as a “queer femme-inist sex educator, sex worker, performance artist, model, and writer”. Which of these roles do you enjoy the most, and why?

Chloe Camilla: I love all of them! I am happiest when I get to write and create performances that reflect my political beliefs and promote learning for both my audiences and me. I feel so grateful that I don’t have to choose and that I have been able to construct a life in which so many important elements of who I am and what I love get to be explored.

CG: It’s true that not everyone can claim to love his or her job. It’s a wonderful thing to enjoy what we are doing all day!

The workshops on your website look fascinating. Which groups of people usually book these workshops? Have you ever had a surprising or funny reaction from someone in attendance?

CC: Thanks! I have taught workshops to all sorts of people – from youth community organizers to medical students, and from nervous college first-years to excited adult swingers. Right now, I’m primarily teaching at adult stores and a variety of sex-positive spaces, but I hope to get back into college and young adult settings soon.

My favorite recent response was from an employee of one of the sex stores at which I taught. She came up to me after my “Girl on Girl” workshop and said, “Before your workshop, I thought I was straight, but now I’m so excited to get out there and try having sex with a woman!” That to me was a huge success! Continue reading »

Jun 122011
 

The following six sentences belong to a short story I started in a fit of frustration a while ago. Finishing the story will have to wait though, as I am currently in very full swing working on my next book!

Enjoy and feel free to comment.

***

“And stop playing with your teeth!” she shouted as she stood up. “A vampire that has been around for centuries would have probably gotten used to his teeth by now!”

She’d had enough. He was the most gorgeous man she’d ever met – tall, amazing body, brown hair so dark it could have been black and eyes so blue they could have been contact lenses. But it just wasn’t going to work. On the outside he was perfection; inside he was empty.

***

Jun 022011
 

Rape is often thought of as a brutal attack by a stranger or – more commonly – by someone already known to the victim. Most people would agree that the definition of rape is to force someone to engage in sex or a sexual activity against his or her will. We picture a rape scene as a violent crime, with the victim desperately trying to fight the attacker off or too terrified to struggle while being threatened with a gun or knife.

But can consensual sex be rape? Can passionate love-making suddenly become a crime if something happens and the woman no longer wants the man inside her? At what point can she change her mind and at what point should the man stop? Before. During. After?

Sometimes it’s easy to answer the question, “Is it rape?” She’s wearing sexy clothing in the street, you force her, it’s rape. She’s flirting with you at a party, you force her, it’s rape. She’s making out with you naked in bed, you force her, it’s date rape. She’s having sex with you and changes her mind, you don’t pull out… is it rape? She had sex with you last night and regrets it today… is it rape?

Whether sex is rape or not is both a moral and a legal question and the answers are not always the same. Morally, it depends whom you ask. Legally, it depends where you live. In seven of the United States, if a man has consensual sex with a woman and she changes her mind once he’s inside her it legally becomes rape unless he pulls out straight away. And what if no actual force was used but the woman was tricked into having sex? Yes, in some places this is a punishable crime known as deceit rape, where the man poses as someone he is not (e.g. rich) or promises the woman something he has no intention of giving (e.g. a wedding ring), in order to get her into bed. Continue reading »

May 282011
 

My six sentences this week are from a short story I wrote a short while ago. Once it’s polished, I will post it here under stories. Enjoy and feel free to comment!

***

His kiss was incredible and it sent little tingling shivers all the way through her body. A kiss wasn’t supposed to be that amazing; it was just a kiss!

For a moment she almost pulled away. This was too good, too dangerous. They shouldn’t be doing it. It could lead… it could lead to a place from which they would never return.

***

May 212011
 

My quote this week comes from author Marya Mannes. If you’re not sure who she was, see this page on Wikipedia for a little information about her.

“All great lovers are articulate, and verbal seduction is the surest road to actual seduction.”

Do you agree? Is the art of conversation still as important today, or are just knowing the latest in words and phrases enough to impress?

Last week’s quote was from Dangerous Liaisons and this could easily have been something one of the characters said. In the movie, Valmont seduces Madame de Tourvel by his words, how he speaks to her and what he makes her think, feel and believe. He manipulates her into falling so in love with him that she finally offers herself freely despite initially despising him.

Is it possible to meet someone, have absolutely no initial attraction or interest, yet end up being so turned on by what he or she says that you cannot resist? I do find the way a man speaks can add or take away a great deal from his sex appeal. If he knows what he’s doing he’ll have an effect on me that I’ll either admit to or not, but probably won’t be very good at hiding. And I’ll come back for more.

Two for the price of one this week: Marilyn Monroe said, “If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything” and she was right. Seduction is all about making someone feel good about him or herself. If you feel happy, sexy and turned on by the person you are talking to, chances are that you’ll also see that person as attractive, appealing and exciting.

  • Please see the SQS website for more information on Sexy Quote Saturday!
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